Coming Home – Church Hopping Pt 5

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Finally last weekend I was able to make the 45 minute trek down to my home church.  Something that has always stuck with me was the moment I first went back to church after eight years of agnosticism/atheism.  It felt like home.  No matter how long it had been, how scary it was, how awkward I felt, I walked into the church I was raised in and felt home, safe, and loved.

I didn’t have any family members with me today so I sat as close to the front as was comfortable and began reading.  I’ve never been very social at church, although many people know me and I feel as though I’m part of the community, I also commute so far to get there that I miss out on many of the activities and groups that happen during the week.  I wish I had more time to make the drive so that I could join the choir or take part in one of the bible studies, but I am just happy to make it to service when I can.

This week a woman I didn’t know who was also there alone asked to sit next to me.  I of course smiled and invited her to sit down.  She didn’t seem incredibly eager to make small talk, which I appreciated, but I decided to reach out to her.  We chatted about the weather (any time it’s sunny in western Washington you can always find something to talk about), and I had mentioned my church commute.  She was surprised at how far I drove to visit Creator, but once I explained that it was the church I grew up in, she immediately understood.

“My home church is 2000 miles away,” she explained, “I rarely get to go there now, obviously, but when I do, there’s just something about that old brick building that just feels like home.”

I nodded eagerly, I’ve had friends talk to me about the “coming home” feeling they’ve gotten, some from a certain church, some from spiritual events like Burning Man, but sitting in a place that was home to me, and listening to some one else talk about their church, their home, brought it all together for me.

No matter what, it’s always nice to come home.

“Cool Guy Church” – Church Hopping Pt 4

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

My most recent church hopping was during Easter.  I went with my mom and step-dad to their church for the early morning service.  They attend a Missouri Synod Lutheran church, a bit more conservative than my ELCA home church, but Lutheran is Lutheran is Lutheran.  The early morning service that day was meant to be more traditional than their sleep-in contemporary service they held later in the morning.  The hymns reminded me of when I was young, all of them were new to me and a bit difficult to find the “melody” (I secretly believe there wasn’t one).  They even had a bell choir, which was very cute.

Image credit: homestudio / 123RF Stock Photo

Jason came along for the ride, he’s Buddhist but attends church with me.  He really liked the pastor’s faux-hawk, I was not much of a fan of the “cool guy” persona that was being attempted.  (It falls under the line of church re-branding I’ve written about before)  I didn’t think the power point presentation that went along with the sermon (which included some over used memes) meshed well with the very traditional liturgy.  It was reminiscent of my visit to Washington State Cathedral, an attempt at “hip” that just didn’t get there.

The highlight of the service was when my sister’s boyfriend let us know that he was holding in gas and was beginning to hurt.  My sister and I could not stop laughing when finally after fifteen minutes of giggling at the grimace on his face he finally got up to go to the restroom.  My mom was not amused.

The sermon felt, I hate to use this word, pedantic.  I want to be excited at Easter.  I think the pastor wanted us to be as well, but he went on about the afterlife, which doesn’t get my spiritual juices flowing, and every time I saw a meme misused on his power point I stopped myself from rolling my eyes.  That just may be an issue of being a very plugged in youth, I saw that funny picture when it first hit the internet three years ago (and it actually was uploaded five years ago).

It felt forced.  I was disappointed I couldn’t have taken Jason to my church for service.  He actually really enjoyed the service though.  He liked the “cool guy church” ideas.  He liked the faux-hawk.  It made me wonder how many others actually like the wanna-be-cool feel, since the congregation didn’t seem to notice one way or the other.

Image credit: pictrough / 123RF Stock Photo

Pastor Say What? – Church Hopping Pt 3

For part 1 and part 2

I’ve been to a lot of church services in my life. I’ve been inspired by a sermon, I’ve been bored by a sermon, I’ve been excited by a sermon, and I’ve been called by a sermon.  I have never been enraged by a sermon before, that is until this past lent season while on my church-hopping adventure.

I went with some of my family members to my aunt’s church.  It was the church most of my mom’s family grew up in, and my aunt and grandmother still attend.  It is an ELCA Lutheran church.  I’ve been to service here a few times, and although it can be a bit dull, and it has the feel of a dying church (very small congregation, no children, you just kind of get the feel that it’s not doing too well), I enjoy worshiping with my family and was looking forward to all of us going together.

It was a pretty typical lent service, a little bit of music here, some prayer there, and then the sermon came.  I want to preface this by saying that I hope I somehow misheard the pastor, I pray that he didn’t know what he was saying, or maybe I blacked out from the bread and soup dinner and dreamed this.  It probably isn’t as bad as I think, maybe I just take it too hard, anyway, I’ll just tell the story.

The gospel lesson was the story of Jesus’s trial:

Luke 23:20-23 Wanting to release Jesus, Pilate appealed to them gain.  But they kept shouting, “Crucify him! Crucify him!” For the third time he spoke to them: “Why?  What crime has this man committed?  I have found in him no grounds for the death penalty.  Therefore I will have him punished and then release him.  But with loud shouts they insistently demanded that he be crucified, and their shouts prevailed.
Luke 23:34  Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” 

Pretty cut and dry stuff, with Easter around the corner.  Since planning to become a pastor, I tend to think about what I might say in my sermons, what messages might I take.  These passages hold so many possibilities, and I was excited to hear the pastor’s sermon.  Was he going to talk about the miracle of Jesus’s forgiveness?  Was he going to talk about the sacrifice that was made so that we may be forgiven?  Was he going to talk about why Pilate seemed so hesitant?

Nope.

He does talk a little about Pilate’s story, about how he was in the dog house with Herod and Rome and that he was just told to make the  Hebrews happy.  But he focuses in on the shouts from the crowd.  About how over and over Pilate keeps trying to ask them to be logical, to be rational, to give reason for Jesus’s punishment, but instead the crowd keeps shouting over and over, “Crucify him!”  The pastor asks us if we’ve ever been in an argument where eventually the people are just shouting and not hearing the other any more.  How sentences get lost, and we aren’t listening.

I’m with him now, I’m excited, I’ve been really working on my active listening and conflict resolution and I can see where this is going, and it sounds like he’s got a really great insight here.

“We need to stay away from people like that.  Stay away from those who are yelling and can’t hear.  Find solace in those who are like you.  Spend time with those in your faith community.  Don’t worry yourself with the yelling of others.  They aren’t the kind of people you should surround yourself with.”

Image credit: feedough / 123RF Stock Photo

Pastor say what?

The sermon revolved around hiding out with those who are like you, and staying away from people who are different, who might be bad, who might not listen?  WHAT?

I kept telling myself he was going some where, that it wasn’t that.  That he wouldn’t take the message of Jesus forgiving that huge crowd, forgiving the men who put the crown on his head, forgiving all of mankind, he wouldn’t take that message and use it to show people how they should exclude the “other”.  Right?  I wanted to raise my hand.  I wanted to stand up and shout.  I bit my tongue.  This was not my church, this was not my congregation, and this was not my pastor.  I thought about talking to him after the service, but I found myself so filled with anger that I just nodded and smiled and hugged my family goodbye.

As soon as I got into my car and the doors were closed I began yelling myself.  I became that crowd in Luke.  I yelled to God about how that can be acceptable, how His message can be so distorted.  Eventually my yelling became calmer, it relaxed into my usual prayers, my conversations with God.  I was reminded that this will happen to me again, especially as I continue schooling and even once I am a pastor myself, and I am sure that I will say things that might make some young future pastor just as outraged (I hope not!).  As much as I disagree, I have to respect that it was his congregation he was preaching to, and I couldn’t wait to get back to my home church, to a message I understand and agree with, to a message of love, acceptance, and inclusion.

Compassion & Love: There’s Plenty to Give

I become very frustrated with the mindset that we only possess a certain amount of love and compassion.  I have been heart broken over the Boston bombings and now as well the explosion in Texas.  My prayer list that already seems endless is ever growing asking for hope and healing for those affected by these recent tragedies.

Before last night’s explosion, a friend of mine who has been traveling out of the country (you can find her blog here), posted a link on Facebook to an article from BBC on multiple bombings that occurred in Iraq the same day as the Boston bombings.  She commented that her heart went out to those in Boston, but that the violence in Iraq had hardly been reported.

Photo from BBC article

She was not trying to claim that these were more important than the bombings in Boston, but that they were also tragic, and I believe she wanted to give some recognition to the violence that was so rampant and was not even considered news.  Her post was commented on and the general consensus was that “If we can’t protect ourselves how can we help others” and “I care about what’s happening here at home”.  I know that in the pervasive amount of news that we receive via television, Facebook, and just the overall internet, these feelings can be common.  There’s so much tragedy, if we give a moment to think about every violent act that happens, we would be so depressed there’s no way we could ever recover.

I don’t think so.  I don’t think that there’s only so much compassion or love to give.

Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. - Dalai Lama

I don’t expect people to spend hours a day reading through every piece of news, to cry over every death in the world, but I hope that when tragedy is shown to you, rather than passing over it and avoiding it, I believe we have a moment, just one second, to think about those brothers and sisters across the world who are hurting, and feel for them as well.

No matter what part of the world we come from, we are all basically the same human beings. We all seek happiness and try to avoid suffering – Dalai Lama

I think many of us have become jaded or desensitized to the violence in the world, and only when it hits home do we let ourselves care, but as the Dalai Lama says, we are all human beings, every one, on the entire planet, it doesn’t matter our nationality, our faith, or our experiences, we can still feel for each other, we can still give just one moment.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.
Romans 12:15

This is Familiar – Church Hopping Pt 2

The next foray into church hopping was to visit an ELCA Lutheran church that was recommended to me by a student at Luther Seminary who had done his internship in my area.  Morning Star was only a twenty minute drive from home (25 minutes less than my home church, why aren’t their teleporters yet?) so I decided to go ahead and try it out.

I’ve found that no matter what there’s always a certain level of anxiety when I walk into a church I’ve never been to before.  This was only my second church I’ve ever visited without a member escorting me.  You just have to be bold and ask where the bathrooms are and hope you find your way.

After I found the restroom and I found a seat in the pews.  Morning Star shares their church with a Methodist congregation, which I thought was really fascinating.  There were Methodist hymnals behind the seats, which I thought about combing through before several people started coming up to say hello to me.  That darn purple hair betrayed me again!  Every one was very friendly and when asked about how I heard about Morning Star I was able to segue into my trip to Luther which started a conversation with the couple behind me.

Their congregation was full of children and teenagers.  They had an entire (almost too big!) band to play the worship music, which was some songs I recognized from my church, and also some praise music like I had heard at Washington State Cathedral.  It was obvious this was a blossoming congregation, full of life and love.  A very Lutheran practice is “sharing the peace” where at some point in the service every one gets up and shakes hands with their neighbors.  I laughed as the couple behind me asked if I had ever done that before.  ”Lutherans are Lutherans everywhere” I laughed.  It wasn’t home, but it felt familiar.

Photo from oldlutheran.com

Cara’s sermon on mercy really hit me, she was a role model for who I wanted to be as a pastor.  Although she was young she had this wisdom about her that I hope one day to attain.

After the service concluded though, I kept thinking to myself about how excited I was to go back to my home church.  That although this was a very familiar experience, it lacked that sense of home that I had developed.  It’s feelings like this that make me question whether or not church hopping is as worrisome as some people think.  It’s true that I have missed quite a few weeks at my own church, but my longing is to be there, and isn’t that what’s important?

Something Different – Church Hopping Pt 1

A while back I was invited to join in on an all-pastor ecumenical book club/bible study.  We were reading Christianity After Religion.  Being the youngest person in the group, and the only one who had left the church at a young age and had only (relatively) recently returned, every one wanted my opinion on why all the young people were leaving the church.  I tried to provide my own anecdotal experience, but it seemed to fall a bit short.

Something that was mentioned during that exciting and brief meeting was the idea of “church hopping” as being a negative thing for churches.  You can’t maintain members if they’re hopping all over the place!  Maybe that’s true for some, but recently I’ve gone on a trek through church hopping, and if anything it has only reminded me of where my home is.

My foray into church hopping started a few weeks ago, on the way to Jason’s place from mine there is a huge mega-church that I drive past.  This particular Saturday Jason was going to be working a bit later, and instead of posting up in a random coffee shop to do some writing I realized that there was a 5:30pm service at this church I drive past every week.  Nervous, but needing a little bit of spiritual release, I decided to try it out.  It was not my denomination, and as far as I could tell, I’m not sure there is any denomination in general, just a few very large buildings and a very small congregation to fill it.  Every one was so friendly, and one thing I realized before even walking through the doors was that there was no way for me to hide quietly in a corner.  My purple hair makes it very easy for people to realize they haven’t met me before, because once they have they at least remember the hair.  Most of the staff came up to me while I was sitting and (im)patiently waiting for service to start and said hello, asked me how I found them, if I was looking for a new church, and one retired pastor even asked me if I was “okay”.  I assured him that I was fine, that I had a regular congregation that I went to but that it was quite a drive and they didn’t have Saturday services.

The service was…different.  Maybe I’m too set in my Lutheran ways.  I’m used to my hymns or even the “Christian pop” music that is sung during the more contemporary service at my church.  The praise music was a little strange to me, and although I enjoyed watching the members of the congregation raise their arms to sing the same short phrases over and over, it didn’t speak to me the way I was used to.

Photo courtesy 123rf.com Stock photos

The pastor giving the sermon was a younger guy, which I appreciated, but his sermon revolved around Anne Rice’s story (Famous atheist turned Christian turned “follower of Christ”).  I’ve heard about and known about Rice’s story for several years now, so for me the sermon felt very dated.  I appreciated that the message revolved around the love of God, and that sometimes Christianity as a religion can skew that message, but it really revolved around the “Rebranding of Christianity”, which as I’ve said before doesn’t really make sense to me.

What felt the most foreign to me was their concept of Communion.  I’ve written before about how important that specific sacrament is to me, and I was pleased to see in the program that there would be Communion given at the end of service, what I didn’t quite understand was that it was “optional”.  The sermon concluded, and another praise song was sung, and the final blessing was given.  I looked around a bit confused, we had skipped Communion!

Photo courtesy 123rf.com stock photos

People were leaving the sanctuary and I stood there feeling a bit lost.  Finally the pastor announced that if you did want Communion to line up in front of the sanctuary and the church elders would be serving.  I looked around and only a handful of the already small congregation stood up and headed to the front of the room.  It felt quick and a bit forced, I was grateful for the moment, but it reminded me once again how important that sacrament is for my weekly faith recharge.

Out of the churches I’ve visited so far, Washington State Cathedral was definitely a positive experience, and I wouldn’t be opposed to visiting again, but after I left that service I was so looking forward to going home to my own church the next day for a service that felt a bit more familiar.

Does Christianity Really Need “Re-Branding” Part 2

(Find part 1 here)

The second part that tends to come with the “re-branding” of Christianity is that “Oh, we have to change our negative image!”  My pastor asked the congregation once during a sermon what their secular friends thought of Christianity, and had every one say a word or two.  These are the words that stood out to me:

• Judgmental
• Bigoted
• Hypocritical
• Hateful
• Exclusive
• Naive

Just a few that really stood out to me, because there have been many days where I have felt all of those words towards the church, towards Christians, and towards people of faith in general.  I have heard all these words from secular friends who were worried about me going back to church.  That sermon was nearly a year ago, and those words still burn my ears when I think about sitting in the sanctuary that day, with a bit of shame in my heart for the honesty that those words can hold.  There was a reason I was embarrassed at first to tell my friends I had started attending church again.

Let me be clear though, those words are not my church experience.  I never felt judged, I never felt hated, and I never felt excluded.  When I describe church to my secular friends, the words I use are loving, service, and home.  I can say all I want though, but their experiences or knowledge contradicts my own.  They’ve heard about the Westboro Baptist Church and their hate rampage.  They’ve seen documentaries on church groups who teach young children about abortion and show them doctored, graphic photos to incite terror.  They know how God’s name has been used to hate, demean, oppress, and terrorize those who are different.  They know the history of wars in the name of God.  They went to the Christian school that forced them to write scripture on the blackboard for hours because they asked a question in bible class.  Their stories of the damage to their lives and to the lives of others by the church seem endless.

With such a reputation so ingrained in our young people, with so many who were so hurt, we can not say “Oh we’re better now, we’re talking about God’s love and we want to change” and expect the slate to be wiped clean.  I know we’re used to that kind of forgiveness, but we are asking for a mountain of it here, and just saying we’re going to start being better isn’t going to make that difference to the person that feels betrayed by religion.

For many, the damage has been done.  They will never find their way back to the church, if they were ever there in the first place.  Rather than phrases like “Oh well you were baptized so you’ll be fine”, or “When you have kids yourself you’ll want to go to church”, or the plethora of one-liners we use to convince ourselves that they will be back, think about how that makes them feel.  We patronize them, we undermine their feelings, we are so busy trying to make ourselves feel better that we ignore their truths.  It’s okay.  It’s okay that the youth minister doesn’t attend church any more.  It’s okay that your daughter is dating an atheist.  It’s okay that your son doesn’t know what he believes any more.  I feel like we as Christians need to keep repeating that to ourselves, that it’s okay if our numbers are dropping in some areas, they are rising in others.

It’s hard for us to accept that we can’t use our charm to convince others to believe in Jesus.  To know that they are loved.  I know I personally have felt “If only this person would find God, they would find so much peace”, but I also know that I cannot force my faith on them.  John 4:8 says Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.  I interpret this to mean that if you know love, then you know God.  You may not be able to change the minds of those who truly believe that Christianity is a hateful organization, or that it’s just not for them, but take solace in the one thing you will always be able to do for those who you believe to be lost: Love them.

Image credit: balazschristina / 123RF Stock Photo

Does Christianity Really Need a “Re-Branding?” Part 1

My faith journey has been a winding road.  I was one of the many young Christians who lost my faith in my young adulthood.  I am one of the few that found my way back.  Every where I look in Christian literature there is a continuing trend of terror at the numbers of young people leaving the church.  Over the past few decades we have seen a growing number of non-denominational churches that are heavy on music and the show and light on liturgy and ritual.  We keep seeing the Church trying to be “cool” and trying to meet young people “on their level.”  As a young person, I don’t think it’s working.  That faux-hawk you’re sporting Pastor?  The watered down sermon about a “famous” person who believes in Jesus?  Using out-dated memes in your power point presentation?

Image credit: mathayward / 123RF Stock Photo

I feel like you should know better.  The “cool guy” church doesn’t relate to the “young people” it’s trying to draw in.  The church comes across as that awkward dad who can’t seem to get over how realistic video games look now.  We get some entertainment from it, but it’s not reeling us in.

A fellow blogger, Marc5Solas wrote in his post “Top 10 Reasons Kids Are Leaving the Church” about how “relevant” the church is, and how we come across as “wannabes”.  He couldn’t be more right.

The most cliche and best advice I’ve ever received?

Image credit: yuriz / 123RF Stock Photo

This is something I think many churches need to remind themselves of.  When witnessing some of these “cool guy church” antics I’ve found myself feeling patronized, and seen others leave the church for something more “traditional”.  I’m reminded of the parable of the lost sheep, where Jesus asks his followers if one out of their hundred sheep went missing ,wouldn’t they leave all their other sheep to run after the one?  It’s a strong message, and maybe one that many churches are taking to heart in their search for their lost sheep.  My advice?  Leave it to God.  He will find his lost sheep and bring them home.  Don’t push away your 99 sheep and leave them out in the cold, because you may find they will be lost as well.

Some people like the traditional liturgy and ritual, others don’t.  One church, one congregation, doesn’t have to be everything to everyone, there are plenty of churches in the world, find what your congregation really wants.  What all people (not just the young and ex-Christian) really relate to is a strong and loving honesty.  In “Field of Dreams” there’s that voice in the cornfield “Build it and he will come”.  Build the church, fill it with love, truth, and faith, and they will come.

Taking the Time – Doesn’t God Already Know?

There is an episode of Family Guy where Peter recites all 50 states “really fast”.

Ever since this episode aired my friend and I make jokes, “Want to hear me say the alphabet really fast?  AZHCK!”  We do this on a probably too regular basis whenever we run out of things to talk about.  We even had this same conversation in the past few weeks, now that she’s in New Zealand there are words that she says “wrong”.  One of them is pants.  Apparently she says it “Payyyunts” instead of “pants”, we practiced saying pants on Skype together for five minutes and it eventually digressed into “PA!” and “PPPP!”

I find it hard some times to not do this same kind of thing with my prayers.  My prayers vary from long drawn out conversations with God that more resemble discussions I might have with a close friend to the more traditional “Our Father who art in Heaven” prayers, and occasionally, as Anne Lamott puts it my prayers are as simple as “Help help help” or “Thank you thank you thank you”.  But I have a never ending prayer list, of those I love and care about, and those I don’t even know, that I want to pray for.  I’ve created a night time ritual before sleep of saying an Our Father, and then going through my prayer list with God.

A few weeks ago I was so tired, barely able to keep my eyes open, and as I started my prayer “God, please help Uncle Greg with his health, I pray for my mother’s success, for my dad to find calmness, for Dana’s travels, for my grandparents, for all of those who are hungry…well…you know all the rest.  Amen.” And I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep.  Unfortunately this didn’t really cut it.  But why not?  God knows my heart, he knows my hopes and my dreams and my worries, why should I spend the time to sit here and list to him all the things he already knows?

Because it’s not just for Him.  God might already know my list, but giving each of these people, each of these hopes, a moment of my thought, brings them closer to me.  It’s about taking the time to have that brief conversation with God, to contemplate on anything I might do to answer my own prayers, to share those moments with Him, because even though He might already know, He doesn’t seem to mind listening.

Psalm 19:14 - Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight

Breaking Free – Escaping the Over-Commitment Cage

I was spending time with a friend of mine a few weeks ago, and as we talked about how we had been doing and sharing our day-to-day lives with each other, there was a moment where we both admitted that we were exhausted.  Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted by the lives we had been living.  I found myself so tired from trying to make my living situation work.  Worn out from the spats with Jason.  I didn’t know where my time or money was going, all I knew is that I couldn’t seem to find enough of either.  I am spread too thin and not enjoying enough.

Trying to figure out how to change this has required a lot of introspection, prayer, and reading.  I realized a huge problem I was having was holding on to all the commitments I had made.  Financially they forced me into working too much, and emotionally they took to much of my time.  My commitments have become a cage holding me in one place

Image credit: hanhanpeggy / 123RF Stock Photo

At first I listed all the things I over-commit to, but I realized that every one has similar things.  A car loan, a regular group meeting, too much work, a gym membership, etc.  The list goes on. And on. And on.  I agreed to do something because in the moment I wanted to, or it was less expensive, or to help another person, and I end up with a kind of buyer’s remorse.  These are all things I like or love, but instead of being excited, I’m beginning to look at my commitments and I’m feeling overwhelmed.

I want to be able to travel, to move and live in places other than Washington.  Looking down the road at school next year and as that continues, I don’t want to always be a distance learning student, I want the real seminary “experience”.  But right now, I can’t.  I have a car loan.  I have bills to pay.  I have a responsibility to my two jobs.  I have a boyfriend who doesn’t really want to move.  I have debt. A financial debt to be sure, but along with that I have a  kind of relationship debt that involves my friends, family, coworkers, and significant other.

Instead of continuing to add to my problem, I’m creating some rules (well guidelines I guess, if there are rules I will likely break them) to try to help me change this part of myself:

1. Think about it – I’m impulsive, it’s part of my “charm”, but when I tend to lean towards a “want it now” mentality, I get myself into trouble.  I’m going to try to give myself at least a day or two before making big decisions.

Smart people think about stuff, and wear glasses

 2. Get out of debt – Both financially and with my non-financial debts.  I would rather spend my extra money on paying off my car earlier than buying a new outfit (and I have a feeling #1 will help to feed #2) or putting my time towards things I want to do and not things I feel obligated to do.

Cutting up my Barnes & Noble card is so hard!

3. Just say no – This is very difficult for me, but part of getting out of debt means not adding more, which means saying no when my instinct is to say yes.  Hopefully #1 will feed this as well and avoid my impulsive instinct.

Very serious NO!

4. Practice my patience - This is my mantra now, I say it to myself at least once a day, usually more.

Patience looks boring, but it’s actually not

I’m going to work on breaking out of this cage I’ve created for myself, to give myself the freedom I’ve been craving, even if it means becoming an under-committer.